How to Build Better Relationships with Everybody

Bee n Flower, Costa Rica

"The flower doesn’t dream of the bee. It blossoms and the bee comes." Mark Nepo

 Relationships are the touchstone of human interaction. Patanjali

Relationships have been the highlight of my life--my partner, kids, family, friends, students--as well as the biggest stress possible. It's one of the main parts of our lives that we don't get training for. 

In nature, there are 3 types of relationships: mutualism (win-win) like in my pic of the bee and flower, commensalism (one party wins and the other party is along for the ride i.e.a spider building a web in a plant so the spider has shelter but the plant just has visitor),

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Mitchy with a pretend flea-I just wanted to show him off.

and finally there's parasitism (one party wins and the other party is harmed i.e. dog with a flea).

Why the Bio lesson? I would suggest that most of us want win-win relationships although we might choose a commensalistic relationship if we are in need of help or want to support another. Even though parasitic relationships exist with humans, most of us don't strive for them. 

So, how do we develop healthy relationships?

Well, I learned many things from my birth family about being in relationship-some good and helpful like honesty, love and integrity-some not so helpful sarcasm and  fear.

Many wise people say that to have a healthy relationship with someone else, we need to start with ourselves. I agree.

"How?" you ask. With Meditation.

You will find a short, guided meditation on my website homepage. Be careful. I hear it puts people to sleep.

How can meditation help us with relationships?
1. When we meditate regularly, we know what we want and need more clearly.
2. We are more centered and peaceful.
3. We are less stressed and less anxious.
4. We are better able to understand other people through our understanding of ourselves.
5. The brain develops differently when we meditate. The gap between feeling and thinking fills in.
6. We are generally more present and able to be in the moment.
7. Meditation increases our connection to our creativity-helping with problem solving amongst other things.
8. Meditators are more comfortable with themselves.
9. Meditation helps us to sleep better.
10.Meditation lowers blood pressure, increases your immunity and boosts your thinking ability.
With all of those changes, you are better able to interact with others.

If you are interested in developing a personal meditation practice, I am offering an online course that begin November 1st. The course is for beginners who have never meditated and intermediates who want to create time, space and technique to meditate regularly with guidance and support. Click here for more information.

Let me know if you have any questions below. Stay tuned for more information and tips on meditation. 

Tips for Developing a Meditation Pracitce

Peaceful Meditation

"To make the right choices in life, you have to get in touch with your soul. To do this, you need to experience solitude, which most people are afraid of, because in the silence you hear the truth and know the solution." --Deepak Chopra

Where do we begin to find the time, the space, the motivation to be alone and to be quiet? I have found the easiest way to create a new habit is to attach it to an existing one i.e. I use my tongue scraper after I brush my teeth; I do my evening practice after I brush my teeth at night.

I sit in the same spot each morning and evening to do my practice. I repeat the same practice over and over until I know it by heart. 

 TIPS:

·      connect your meditation time to an existing habit

·      sit in the same place and at the same time if possible

·      repeat the same practice for at least a week (start with 5 minutes)

Students some times tell me after a week that they are bored with doing the same practice. I tell them that I too felt the same way before I had faith that my teacher knew more than I. She said, "Trust me, do this practice for 90 days and then we'll talk about it." I did. What happened? The benefits of discipline, peace and clarity started to enter my life. Instead of feeling bored, I looked for new ways to be mindful during my practice. I felt safe and a level of comfort in the repetition.

I also found it necessary to have a teacher. I tried for a long time to sit on my own. It wasn't until I started to accept guidance and sit with others that my experience moved to a deeper level.

I agree with Deepak that it is scary to sit in quiet. We have so many amazing distractions available to us. The thing is the consequence of not spending time with yourself, is that you won't really ever know your true self.

I am offering an online opportunity for you to practice meditation on your own yet in the safety of a group. Click here for more information. 

Over the next few weeks, I will continue to offer helpful tips on meditating. Stay tuned and let me know if you try any of them and how they work.

5 Simple Steps to Change Your Relationship with Food

Tropical Fruit

I've been talking a lot about food lately and one of the most powerful tools we have to deal with how we eat is our mind.
We all know willpower is not an innate trait. Can we train our mind to relate to food in a different more positive way? Absolutely!
How you ask? Mindfulness. What is mindfulness you ask? It is simply becoming aware of what we are doing. In this case, eating.
Here are five simple steps that will begin to change your relationship to food:

1. Sit for a moment before you eat with your eyes closed (even if it's a snack.)
2. Open your eyes and look at the food in front of you.
3. Think about the nourishment you are about to consume. (If you don't like what you see on your plate, don't eat it.)
4. Eat slowly; chewing your food and tasting each bite. If it doesn't taste fulfilling, stop eating.
5. When you are partly through your meal, check in with yourself. Complete your meal when you are 2/3 full.

Try this exercise with each and every meal. I know time is limited. It will literally take a few moments. And yes, those moments can rock your world. Note the thoughts that occur while you go through this experience.

Some things you might consider:

• How and who prepares your food?
• Where does your food come from? 
• How are the people treated your harvest your food?
• Make sure you are in a safe place when you eat, with people you enjoy. 
• Avoid arguments, electronics (i.e. TV, phone), and negativity during meals. 
• Set up your eating experience to feel warm, safe, comfortable. 
• Prepare your food thoughtfully. I like to chant when I'm cooking. Some people enjoy music.

I can hear the distention already-"TIME", "I can't control who makes my food or where it comes from", "NO TIME." If you've stayed with me thus far, thank you.

I know you are busy. We are all busy and it seems as time passes, we are getting busier. I am of the mindset that we need to change our level of busy-ness. Some things need to be fast--like our internet connection, but some things were meant to be slow--like building relationships and eating.

The next few weeks I'll be taking a look at easy ways to slow down and build a mindfulness practice. 

You might even consider building a meditation practice if you don't already have one. I am offering a month-long program to build a meditation practice in November. Click here for details.

I would love, love, love to hear about your experiences with this eating mindfulness exercise. Please share below!

Cleansing Karma: 10 Healthy Fall Foods

Butternut squash soup with Roasted Eggplant

As we move into and through Fall cleansing season, know that cleansing is a nourishing process not a depleting one.

Some abundant Fall foods if you're in North America (maybe those of you who read from around the globe can share others) are:

• Pumpkin, butternut squash, winter squashes, served cooked alone or in yummy soup (add a little coconut milk)
• Beets, carrots (raw, juiced, cooked, roasted in a salad)
• Potatoes-sweet, white- rutabagas, turnipsroasted, mashed, baked
• Zucchini-raw or cooked, I add it to just about anything
• Tomatoes, eggplants, peppers, roasted, in sauces, soups
• Apples, pears, raw, cooked, juiced
• Arugula, kale, chard, spinach, raw, juiced, cooked,in soups, salads
• Brussels sprouts, cabbage, broccoli, cauliflower, kolrabi
• Fennel, celery-I love these raw, juiced and in soups and salads
• Onions, leeks, shallots, scallions, in everything...almost

So I cheated by grouping some together, and it wasn't the scientist in me doing the grouping so go easy on the criticisms. Fall is one of the best times of the year to get healthy and delicious. It's good for you with amazing nutrients, easy to prepare, and affordable especially when you buy from locals or grow your own.
PS-I'm throwing in my new favorite recipe  altered from Yummy Tummy

Fast and Easy Potato Tomato Curry

Potato Tomato Curry

Olive Oil - 1 T
Onion - 1 large sliced thinly
Green Chilli - 2 slit
Turmeric - 1 t
Salt to taste
Tomatoes – 2 c 3 chopped
Chilli Powder - 1 t
Potatoes - 4 c cubed
Water 1-2 c as needed

Curry powder- 1 t
Cilantro for garnishing

Boil potatoes till they are tender. Strain. Heat oil. Saute onions for a min. Add in salt, turmeric, chili and curry powders and cook till they are golden. Now add in tomatoes and green chilli. Cook this for 6 mins till they turn mushy. Pour in water and mix well. Bring this to a boil. Now add in the potatoes and simmer for 5 mins. Throw in a handful of chopped cilantro.

Feel Free to share any other recipes, fall foods tips, etc. Enjoy!!